Part 1

Close up of a television, the show ends and a commercial comes on screen. Zoom out to see a group of eight to ten young girls in pretty holiday dresses. There are mostly in pairs or trios, smiling at each other. It looks like a birthday party-type gathering. A table is covered in presents in fancy wrapping paper. Soft music in the style of the Sugar Plum Fairy is played. The caption under the group says “KAOS Clothing”. There is a phone number to call 555-KAOS and a street address.

The voice-over starts. It's a man with a German accent. Maxwell Smart would recognize it as Siegfried if he was listening to the commercial, but his ears were stuffed.

“She's a younk lady.

She's a little gahrl.

She likes to run und jump.

She likes to vear pahretty grown-up dahresses.

KAOS Clozink has a vole collection of holiday fashions for hahr.

Zo vee can make you boz happy for between five und fifteen Marx, I mean dollars. (Marx, I mean dollars is included in the commercial)

Yes, she vants to look gahrown up.

But vee knows she's still a rompink kid.

At KAOS Clozink vee know vat you are lookink for.”

During the commercials, the little girls were frolicking around as children do at a birthday party. Smiles never left any of their faces. Not even for an instant. If they were wearing t-shirts and jeans and didn't have long hair, the girls could be mistaken for boys.

“Did you see that? 99 asks.

“See what?” Maxwell Smart responds.

“It was a commercial. KAOS has a clothing store.”

“Even killers have to get dressed every day.”

“No, Max, it was for little girls.”

“KAOS has little girl killers?”

“I don't think so.”

“Maybe they are midget killers then.”

“I don't know if it has anything to do with killers. But if KAOS is involved then they must be up to something. We should check them out.”

“Five to fifteen dollars is a good price. You might be able to pick up something nice.”

“I think it's only for little girls.”

“You are certainly no little girl.”

“That's beside the point. What should we do about this?”

“Let's tell the Chief and see what he wants.”

“OK.”

“I'll call him on my shoe phone.”

Max put his ankle on his knee and removed the phone. His black sock has a little hole in it. “Sorry, 99, I was going to darn these socks, but I didn't have time. This was my last clean pair.”

“Forget about the socks, call the Chief!”

“My phone doesn't have a dial tone. I knew I should have taken the elevator.”

“What does taking the elevator have to do with your phone?”

“Well, I took the stairs instead. They were so easy to take two at a time, that I tried three. I must have broken the phone when I stuck the landing.”

“Stuck the landing?”

I jumped the last step.”

“That is when you broke the phone?”

“No, that is when I realized I was wearing sneakers instead of my phone and had to come back here.”

“I don't understand what you are talking about.”

“If I would have taken the elevator, I wouldn't have worn sneakers to go downstairs and I wouldn't have left my shoes in the apartment and they wouldn't have gotten wet when the sink overflowed.”

“Forget it, forget it. Let's go to the office now and tell the Chief.”

“Tell the Chief what?”

“About the clothing store.”

“It's true five to fifteen is a great deal on dresses, but I don't think the Chief wears dresses.”

“MAX!!!”

“OK, let's go.”

“Vat do we have planned for 1966, Helga?” Siegfried asked the tall gaunt woman with obvious Germanic features. She is very tall, even taller than Siegfried, and wearing a black leather jacket and knee-length skirt with black stockings. She is wearing black heels which made her even taller.